My Lips are Sealed

Ever have those days when you're looking for insight, and shouldn't have said anything at all? Well today is one of those days and I really shouldn't have said a thing. It was like walking through a minefield and all contacts blew up in my face.

Again facing the reality of the situation and seeing that there's more pressure building in this crock pot than I ever imagined. Utterly tired with it all, sometimes I just want to give up and throw in the towel.

Everyone has their down days, but why are mine lasting for years. Fake it 'til you make it, as they say. A smile is what those outside see when everything inside is in chaos. Tired of all the uncertainty. F for EFFort. It's all evident. All so uncertain. All so cumbersome...I'm growing more and more detached from myself and the real reason why I was headed down this path. Obstacles turn to detours and detours to dead end streets. Just when I think that everything is normal, I fall into the rabbit hole all over again.

The more I verbalize my condition, the worse I feel. Rocky knows when I'm in inner turmoil - he lays his head on my arm as I type this.

Waiting to exhale, with my lips sealed.