Again, one of those days, and I'm going under. I'm growing tired of the constant up-down emotions, and literally, they're happening day after day.
I think a recent dose of a reality check is what hit me and I can't shake off all the negative emotions that are starting to take hold of me.
I'm always the 'look on the bright side' kind of person, and I've always loved that about myself because it's something that you can pass onto other people; like a torch.
Seeing the positive when everything seems negative was always my strong suit. I could look at a flat tire and say, "At least it's flat now, and not while I was on the highway.." or something to that effect. Not overly cheery, like a person who farts rainbows (watch this past season's The Bachelor, and look up Tenley), I tend to see the glass as half full.
So in a multiple choice question, I would choose B: Half Full.
That is, until lately.
I went on the most amazing trip to the Philippines. For 3 weeks, it was like Family Boot Camp (in a good way) where we were in each others' company 24/7. We did everything and experienced everything, especially with 'older eyes' versus our trip in '97.
I went to, experienced, and relaxed in one of the World's top beaches, and found solace wherever I was. I was elated with the smallest of life's pleasures: the tickle of the soft sand in the water, the sound of the waves as the tide came in, and the cool breeze that relieved us from the intense sun. I was happy.
I came back, feeling like I've experienced something unique, which I did..but knowing that reality would set in.. eventually.
My situation would not change no matter where I ran, flew, or swam. I know that. I just can't shake the 'why me' and 'why not someone else' feelings.
I feel deserving of everything I desire; where I want to be, what I want to do - so why do I feel so lost. so confused. so behind.
Right now: It's HALF EMPTY.