Friendships

....where to draw the line?
Feeling: EUREKA! Gleeful and S-M-R-T

friend, noun

1: a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university"

2: an associate who provides assistance; "he's a good ally in a fight"; "they were friends of the workers"

3: a person with whom you are acquainted; "I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances"; "we are friends of the family"

I have no idea why, but recently, I've been looking <<< back a lot; looking back at people, old friends, familiar faces..and I can't help but wonder, where did I draw the line?

When we were younger, our friends, in all honesty, were those around us- and that equaled just about anybody! The person who sat next to you in class, someone you traded lunches with, sat on the school bus with on the way home, or any one who called you by name.Graduating in grade 8 was the first big transition of my life. I thought I would be forever miserable, leaving all my "friends" behind me. Then came the best thing- High School. I kept my 'old' friends and made 'new' ones. Like a pair of jeans, the old ones always tend to hold their sentimental value quite well. But, do note that high school was less static than elementary school EVER was-. The cliques formed, filled and fit each person to a tee, and people often found themselves moving fluidly between them. I always envisioned it like a grapevine (hence all the rumours heard along the way)...You always had your own little 'bunch' of friends, but always connected to other bunches, through some common thread--Be it through music, same classes, extracurricular activities or whatever.

Then, high school came and went. Here today- gone tomorrow. Sadly, as I look back, so did a lot of the relationships that I truly cherished, and really do miss. I will leave all names anonymous, but believe me, there are too many to even list. University years have now also come and gone, and again we are all at different points in our lives. Different destinations have caused us to go different ways, but that has never deterred my most cherished of friendships. Now, I sit here to analyze those that fell through the cracks. And why.

So,Here is my list of reasons/reflections on those friendships that were Great. Fabulous. Incredible. Loving, but simply, didn't stand the test of time.

1. The Teeny-Tinies aka Red Flags. Little incidents, that grew worse, just like chicken pox! Think of it as one of those small cuts that leave a Very Ugly Scar. Another way to make this sound more familiar is to think of those friendships that you had, that paralleled an on-again, off-again relationship. It was always over a stupid 'break-up" but you always got back together for the sheer heck of it. Get the picture?
   
2. No time. When I say that I don't mean the "Sorry, I've been so busy" friends. I mean, No Time for BS friendships. Those friendships that become more of an annoyance than anything. My Favourite Example: A used car that you keep for sentimental reasons, but you know that things will only get worse & cost you much more in the end.


3. ..Was blind, but now I see.. Sometimes, love blinds us. And with friends, this is lethal. Reason-being, unlike boyfriends, we know that friends are a constant. Technically, a second-family. Therefore, when you're blinded by this kind of love, you see past all the nay-sayers and stick with it. BUT something happens, and you suddenly awaken to the reality of it all.


4. Procrastination aka Sometime. Ever have those encounters that result in the common saying of, "We should really get together (again) sometime?" If so, you may or may not have followed through with that comment. But the odds are high that you did not. For whatever reason, _____fill in list of reasons/excuses here___ that sometime, never came. Even though it may not have been a conscious procrastination, too much time has passed for it to stay in your recent memory, and is now filed in the call-back file.
   
5. First-name-basis? Facebook has highlighted this point more than ever. One day, look at your list. Pick people at random, and try to mention/name personal things about them. For example, their favourite color/band or most-recent significant other. Despite the fact that you shared the best memories of your life with this person, you are now falling into the acquaintance category (see definition above). Also Known As, first-name-basis-only. Sure, you know that they pee'd their pants in grade 4 infront of the whole class, but you are now oblivious to their day-to-day, or even the events/happenings of the past year.


6. Pop goes the weasel! Ever have those 'friends' who randomly decide to call, or write on your wall? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hearing from old friends but that is not what gripes me. I am really talking about those people that message you to say "Happy Birthday/Hello," make a Big Hoopla about the fact that it's been 'so-long,' then you are left to never hear from them again? I call it premature fireworks. Reason being, it's a BIG FIRESHOW, full of promise and intent, that leaves you in the dark, with lots of smoke.
   
7. Night at the Roxbury Syndrome: Again, Facebook is an accomplice. You know how this one goes. You go to a club for any given reason, a friend of yours brings along another, who becomes your fight-off-the-nasties, partner in crime. Or simply, you two instantly hit it off, having an incredible dance-off on the dance floor, laughing at the idiocy, forming an instant bond. Or that is what we are left to think. Time goes by (days/weeks), and all that can really be remembered from that night is just how you got home!


8. Theirs, not yours. Another form of the acquaintance. This kind of friend is a person that you are completely cool with. You have hung out at different places, for different reasons, and are perfectly comfortable with their presence, and even talking/laughing with them whenever you meet again. But there is a catch. They are the friend, of a friend of yours. In the end, you do know that if you and your friend ever had a falling out, that this Friend would go right along with them.


9. Tragic Love Story reminiscent of the Was Blind..But Now I See friendships, the Tragic Love Story friendship is the kind that seemed so perfect, so perfect that it seemed destined to last forever. *See Example A La Britney Spears & Justin Timberlake). TLS Friendships are the most heart-breaking because they involve those friendships that became a piece of your heart. The 'we once were' memories. For whatever reason, TLS Friendships are one of the ONLY categories that leave you with a sense of hope. There is -always- a chance for reconciliation no matter the circumstances. From embers to a flame-kind-of-thing ;)


10. The-Links-That-Bond vs. the Ties that Bind.---This friendship is not to be mistaken as any of the above acquaintances. The Links-That-Bond Friendships can really become a true-found friendship. TLTBs are only on the list because they are a different alternative to the theirs-not-yours category. TLTBs are links such as, "my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend" OR "my girlfriend's sister's boyfriend." It's not the fact that you spent so much time with this person, rather the quality time. You are often more likely to have done some of the best things together; trips, weekend-get aways, weekly-rendezvous'. Links that Bond is an acquaintance-ship that has the most potential for true friendship, but as with All The Above, something BREAKS that link, and the bond too is broken. Odd circumstances arise and things simply get awkward.

This re-evaluation of my friendships has caused me to value the real ones much more. I see it like having a Real Designer Item Versus having a Designer Knock-Off. When it comes down to it, when you have a knock-off, no matter how real it appears to be, is just a name. There is no greater satisfaction than being able to say, This is Real. & That Applies to EVERYTHING.

So, in dedication to, and honourable-mention for my

REAL F R I E N D S, I LOVE YOU! XOXO!